Spoof Psychic Creeds & Quotes

These jokes are statements, declarations or creeds that a psychic might say or hear. This also includes quotes from "famous" people, which might be considered personal psychic creeds.

[spacer size=”10″] Click the titles to show/hide the answers.

[spoiler title=”1. "Priceless" Creeds” open=”0″ style=”2″][list style=”note”]

• "I’m 100% accurate. My client told me I was spot on!"
• "I’d like to be psychic because it will give me the power to turn off the light without getting out of bed!"
• "I learned to be psychic from the asylum. My medication helped me see clearly."
• "I’m a psychic, not a psycho. The voices in my head tell me so!"
• "You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!"
• "My Intuition makes up for my lack of common sense and poor character judgement."
• "I took a Psi Test and the results were negative."

[/list][/spoiler] [spoiler title=”2. Fortune-Telling Ditty” open=”0″ style=”2″]"Cross my palm with silver and gold, and your fortune will be told. As I gaze into my crystal ball, I see two strangers standing tall. One is a reader, the other’s being read, but one will not listen to a word that’s said."[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”3. "Famous" Quotes” open=”0″ style=”2″][list style=”note”]

• "I cheated in the finals of my metaphysics exam – I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." —Woody Allen.
• "I’d like to be psychic because it will give me the power to turn off the light without getting out of bed!"
• "When I was in eighth grade, I was bulimic."
  –"Wow! You can read minds?" —Quote from Zulu Man.
• "I can see into your future and I see you being ignored by at least 10 people in the near future!" —Actual quote from a chatroom.
• "Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." —Steve Wright

[/list][/spoiler]