These jokes do not adequately fit into any of the other categories. There aren’t too many here, but they might be moved to a category eventually.
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Psychic: "Haven’t you heard? McDonald’s has upgraded their Happy Meals."
Client: "Interesting! I’ll have to go buy one!"
Psychic: "When you get your gift, don’t forget to talk to Ronald. He will be your Guide for your gifts."
Two days later…
Client: "Well, I picked up my gift and saw Ronald outside McDonald’s. I talked to him and did what you said. I thought Guides would talk to me, but instead he just sat there and listened. Did I do something wrong?"
Psychic: "Oh, really?"
Client: "Oh, yes. And there was a scary moment when a cop car pulled up and said, ‘Your new Guide is now ready! But please step away from the statue! Otherwise, I’ll be forced to arrest you for obstruction of pieces.’"
Next day, he prayed again and said, "God bless Mama and good bye Papa."
Now his dad was really worried and went to work very carefully.
When he came home, his wife told him, "You know the strangest thing happened today: the milkman dropped dead." —Found at Funny.co.uk.
GREG: "How are you and your family?"
JOHN: "Oh we’re all fine. What about yours?"
GREG: "We’re all healthy and have work to earn our keep. How about your son? Is he still workless?"
JOHN: "Not at all. He’s doing meditation now."
GREG: "Meditation? What is he doing?"
JOHN: "I don’t know exactly what it entails, but it’s sure better than just sitting down and doing nothing!" —Found at Psychic Jokes.
The board answered: YES.
Next, she asked the Ouija board, "What will his name be?"
The board spelled out: TOM.
Lastly, she asked, "Will I be happy?"
The board answered: YES.
So, five years later, she met a Tom and they married. One day, her husband saw his wife trying to burn the Ouija board in the fireplace. He asked her, "Why are you doing that?"
The wife replied, "I’m burning the board because it lied about our marriage."
Tom asked, "How could it have lied? You told me that the board said you would get married, and that it said your husband’s name would be Tom."
"Yes," his wife replied, "but it also said that I’d be happy. Therefore, it lied." —Formerly found at Mediums Chat.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What’s it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties…"
The woman giggles and replies, "Well, it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast." —Taken from Anvari Jokes.
The old man often screamed these words at her in public, "I’m sick and tired of you! When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you!"
The old man started practising black magic. The townsfolk blamed all the disappearances in the neighborhood of cats, dogs and people on him.
At the age of eighty, the old man died and his wife put him in a casket. Later that night, she went to a bar and partied as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbor asked her, "Aren’t you scared that your old man will dig up and haunt you?"
The old lady calmly replied, "Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket in the other way around."
—Taken from Anvari Jokes.
0 AD: The voices are of God. You are His son.
400-1200 AD: The voices are the Devil’s. You are cursed and must be put to death.
1350-1500 AD: The voices are of the Saints. You must be liberated.
1600-1750 AD (especially in the US): The voices are of the Devil and of witches. You are a witch and you must burn.
1800-1990s AD: The voices are your Superego, your Ego and your Id. You are insane and must be locked up.
2000s AD: The voices are the gods and the spirits of humans. You are blessed. —Taken from Anvari Jokes.