Astrology Jokes – Page #1

20 Jokes

These are jokes and puns relating to astrologers, astrology or astrological practices, such as birth charts, etc.

[spacer size=”10″] Click the titles to open/close.

[spoiler title=”1. Shy Astrologist” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: Why did the male astrologist refuse to sunbathe in the nude?
A: He was too shy to expose his Venus![/spoiler] [spoiler title=”2. Favorite Chocolate Bar” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What is an astrologist’s favorite chocolate bar?
A: A Mars bar![/spoiler] [spoiler title=”3. Favorite Food” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What is an astrologist’s favorite food?
A: Dates.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”4. Wrongful Date of Birth” open=”0″ style=”2″]A person received a reading from a professional Astropsychic, but to his dismay, the date of birth was totally wrong. So, he emailed the psychic requesting his money back.

The psychic returned the email, saying, "I’m so sorry! I made a mistake and got your birthdate wrong! Now I owe you an astrology!"[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”5. Longest Astrology Reading” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What is the longest astrological reading in the world?
A: I don’t know either, but it must be on a planetary scale.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”6. Refund Request” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: Why did the readee request a refund from the astrologist?
A: Because the reader was a pain in the asstro.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”7. Mugged Astrologer” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What did the angry astrologer say to the mugger?
A: "You rob me and I’ll kick your astro to the highest heavens!"[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”8. Spacefaring Astrologer” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What do you call an astrologist who travels into space?
A: An astrolonaut.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”9. Seafaring Astrologer” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: Why did the astrologer become lost while travelling at sea?
A: He couldn’t navigate because he’d lost his charts.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”10. Homeless Astrologer” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: Why was the homeless astrologer turned away from the hostel?
A: Because there was no moon at the inn![/spoiler] [spoiler title=”11. Mid-Life Crisis” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: Why was the astrologer committed to a mental asylum after he through a mid-life crisis?
A: Because he went astro![/spoiler] [spoiler title=”12. Gang Wars” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What did the astrologer gang member say to the rival gang member when they met on the street?
A: "This is my astroturf!"[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”13. Astrologers In Love” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: How can you tell if two astrologers are in love?
A: Because they are often moon-eyed.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”14. Out-of-Planet Teacher” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: How did the astrology teacher mark pupils’ homework?
A: He would retrograde it.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”15. Favorite TV Show” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What is an astrologer’s favorite TV show?
A: Third Rock from The Sun.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”16. Expression” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What are the expressions that astrologers make during consultations?
A: Moon faces.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”17. Favorite Soap Opera” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What is an astrologer’s favorite soap opera?
A: Suns and Daughters.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”18. Big Cats” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: Why are astrologers like big cats?
A: They are both associated with lions.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”19. Dumb Astrologer” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: Why couldn’t the astrologer paint her nails?
A: She kept on reading her moons.[/spoiler] [spoiler title=”20. Differences” open=”0″ style=”2″]Q: What’s the difference between an astrologer, a hooker and a drug addict?
A: An astrologer deals with planets, a hooker takes clients to other planets and a drug addict is off the planets.[/spoiler]